So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
