Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
