Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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