We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
