my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
