she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
