He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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