He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
