I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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