reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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