I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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