I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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