I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
