All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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