guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
