I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize