there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
