I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
