i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
