My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
