Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
