He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize