didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This is not my ceiling
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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