What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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