i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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