peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
