Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
