OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
