I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
