Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
