You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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