We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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