Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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