Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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