I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
