areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
