i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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