I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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