so explain again why im purple
no
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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