Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
