Plan B is the new Plan A
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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