Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
