I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
