My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
