In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
