Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
