Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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