I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He kissed a someone with a penis
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
