Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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