so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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