i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
