you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize
