As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
