Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
