A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize