Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
