I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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