idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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