Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
