eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
