Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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