her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
