just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
