my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
