I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
