i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
