A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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