I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
