I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
