omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize