You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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