you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
