Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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