there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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