So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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