Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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