Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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