I wannas sexs uuuuu
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
