you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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