my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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