Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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