he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
