I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hell yes lets make some ravioli
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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