It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
