I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Acid is not a monday night drug
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize