had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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