how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
