i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He felt like a one man threesome
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
