Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
