my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
