I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
