In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She told me I should be a condom model.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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