Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
