Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
