Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
