i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
