We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
