apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
