I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
