enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dicks are not precious.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize