I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
