so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
